When the Mountain Says “Not Today”

Through the heat of our Alaskan summer I’ve found myself reflecting on a hike from last winter. It falls into the category of memorable hikes for me, but not for the reason you’d expect.

Last winter I joined TrailMates for a hike up Harp Mountain in Eagle River and if I’m being honest I wasn’t in the mood to hike a mountain like Harp, but a friend of mine was leading the hike and I wanted to support her. She had done the hike before and informed me that the hike was steep but only 3 miles round trip, so it would be a “quick one.”

Now, if you’ve hiked Harp Mountain you know that this hike is not 3 miles round trip, and airs more on the side of being 3 miles one way - and it’s steep. I unfortunately did not partake in a lot of winter hiking last season so this turned out to be a bold move on my part, which I realized halfway through the climb.

A Shaky Start on Harp Mountain

I showed up to the hike with Yaktrax for ice cleats and a semi-positive attitude. I was going through some personal things but pushed myself to do the group activity. Not long into the hike I realized I should have prioritized finding my Microspikes before I walked out the door that morning.

I was sliding down with almost every step as I was climbing up the mountain. I wasn’t getting the traction that I needed which made my body tense in what was already a stressful situation for me personally. My almost one year old puppy joined me on this hike also, and he decided to launch himself off a steep bank of snow once we were at a high elevation because unlike his mom - he did not see the death trap he so suddenly chose to explore.

Needless to say my semi-positive attitude was quickly diminishing. 

The Bravery in Stopping

I believe we were about a ½ mile from the summit when my right hip started to cause me some grief.

I tried to tough through it at first but quickly realized it was in fact not getting better, and actually getting significantly worse.

The peak was in sight and I wanted to get there, bad.

If you’ve climbed mountains, you have likely experienced peak fever at some point. It’s the voice in the back of your head that tells you to get to the peak no matter what. It tells you to ignore all the signs that are telling you to turn around - like my hip, which was screaming pretty loud at this point.

I paused to sit down and think for a minute - who was I trying to prove something to? Myself? The people I was hiking with? I couldn’t land on a person, but I did realize the pain wasn’t worth it. I chose to listen to my body and I turned around while the group continued on. I was encouraging to my fellow TrailMates as I started my trek down, letting them know I was okay and needed to do this for myself.

Murphy and I made our way down the mountain alone, and I found out later I strained my hip. 

 A Lonely, Sled-Filled Descent

I’ve gone on plenty of solo hikes, but this solo descent felt different and extra lonely. I knew I would miss out on the stories shared at the peak, and the group photo, and most importantly it felt like I was letting myself down. I committed to hiking Harp Mountain and I couldn’t make it to the top - that was really discouraging for me.

For some reason a few tears escaped my eyes as Murphy and I trucked along down Harp, but eventually those tears turned to giggles because I made the decision to slide down 90% of the mountain instead of taking a chance with my half broken Yaktrax. The mountain suddenly turned into my sledding hill and Murphy also thought this idea was genius. We both slid the rest of the way down with smiles on our faces and eventually made our way to the car.

At this point I was thankful for the alone time because I could start to process the things that were clouding my mind when the hike started. 

“Listening to your body is the trail map you can trust every time.”

At first I thought the hike was wasted when I decided to listen to my body and turned around, but that wasn’t the case.

My mind was trying to tell me to keep going and push through the pain I was experiencing, but my body was begging me to stop.

Growing up an athlete I am used to feeling a burn - I actually crave it, but there is a difference between a good burn that fuels growth, and pain that causes problems.

The pain I felt that day in my hip was not a fun burn and definitely a pain that was only going to cause more problems if I ignored it.

Perhaps that was my body's way of telling me I needed rest instead of a steep climb that day. 

I wrestle with the voice in my head a lot when an invitation is extended and plans are being made but I know that it would be better for me to have a quiet day and rest. For me, rest isn’t always laying on the couch and watching movies or reading a book. Sometimes rest is active like a solo walk or a hike and writing - but it is usually time alone to recalibrate.

I think what I’m realizing is the more I become intune with myself, and listen when my body is asking for rest, the better the adventures are when I feel I need those too.

It makes sense right? The yin and yang.

As hard as it is for me to relax when the sun is shining, sometimes the best medicine is sitting in the backyard to absorb that amazing Alaskan sun with my feet on the earth. 

Flowing with Alaska’s Seasons

I think Alaskans learn to really flow with the seasons, it’s almost a requirement of living here. Our winters are long, dark and cold, and we hope that our summers are as long as they can be - sunny, and warm.

My first two summers (the last two summers) in Alaska were pretty rainy. I made the most of it because I didn’t know the difference and I was happy to be living in the mountains regardless of the weather, but I was told by those close to me during the many rainy days that, “this was not the typical summer.” 

My fellow Alaskans - I think we can agree that this summer has been pretty awesome.

We’ve had plenty of sunny days, lots of warm weather, and we’ve not had to deal with smoke from wild fires (at least in Anchorage). I would say this is my first real taste of an Alaskan summer and if I wasn’t in love with Alaska before, I’m head over heels now.

The energy of an Alaska summer is intense.

I think we spend all winter resting up for the minimal sleep we get during the summer because let’s be honest, summers are short and there is much to do. It can be hard to convince yourself to go to sleep when the sun is still high in the sky at midnight on a Tuesday.

Did somebody say work?.. 

“Every step, whether forward or back, is still part of the adventure.”

I think Alaskans do a good job of embracing the chaos that summer can bring. There seems to be an understanding that when the sun is out, replies may be delayed and priorities may have switched to adventure for the time being.

We have to squeeze the orange while we can and remember why we choose to endure the long winters. Alaskan summers are the type of magic that’s hard to put into words, but if I’m being honest, there is always a thought in the back of my head whispering, “am I doing enough?” I have to hike when the weather is prime, I need to camp when I can take a long weekend, I need to fish when the reds are running, I need to see my friends, I need to stay in touch with family, I need to play tour guide when I have visitors, I need… to ground myself and relax some days, and listen to my body.

Even when it’s sunny outside and the devil on my shoulder is telling me to go, go, go. We must practice listening to our bodies and what they are trying to tell us.

Do we need Harp Mountain?

Or do we need a walk through the woods and a nap on the couch?

The Warm Welcome of Rested Adventure

When I decide to head back into the mountains after a restful period, it’s always a warm welcome. It’s funny because I seem to flow more and fight the adventure less when I’ve taken time to rest and listen.

I’m reminded that I am doing enough, in fact I’m doing just the right amount. That’s what I want to remind all of us as we’re now over the halfway point of our summer.

Whatever happened between the start of summer and now, it was enough. If you are craving more, great, there is time to do more. If your body is craving less, do that. Adventure is not always about how much you can do and how fast you can do it. It’s important to find adventure in the small, rest filled things too. 

“You don’t have to reach the peak to prove your worth—you are already enough right where you are.”

My encouragement for all of us as our summer starts to wind down is to stay present through the summer chaos.

Take time to tune in and really listen to what your body needs, what your soul needs.

It might not be what your friends are doing or what social media is telling you to do - and that’s okay.

We owe it to ourselves to listen.

You have done enough thus far, you are doing enough now, and most importantly you will always be enough. 

An Invitation to Join the Journey

If community and the outdoors is what you need right now, come join TrailMates for a hike! All our hikes are posted on our website - be sure to RSVP if there is one that speaks to you! Also - keep a lookout out for a Harp mountain redemption hike…

Want More from Granola Me?

To dive deeper into Kayla’s Alaskan adventures and get her latest granola-inspired insights, head over to Granola Me.